What would you do?? (This is not about weight loss)
Ok guys I need help. I am really not sure what to do and it is weighing heavy on my heart. When this stuff happens I end up just emotionally eatting everything. Which I did last night and its not a good thing. Anyway, here is the situation.
I have a very good friend that this family adopted about 5 1/2 years ago. She is older than me and my husband she is actually my dad’s age. She is a truck driver and never really has had a home so when she has time off like 2 -3 days at a time we let her stay here. But not for weeks or more at a time. We live in a very very small house. So she ends up sleeping in the living room. About 2 years ago her blood pressure went up and they took her off the truck she had to see a cardiac dr. She said she would only be here a few days and it ended up being over 2 months. Well, same thing happened yesterday. She has to have somewhere to stay. I told her she could stay here a few days but I am so afraid it will turn into months. Her son lives about 40 miles from here. But he said she could only stay there as a last resort. He has a live in girlfriend but no kids to worry about. I have 2 kids, 7 & 3. And no extra room in this house. Am I being a horrible, terrible friend? It just seems to turn my house upside down. She is a drama lover and seems to create this huge amount of drama. What in the world should I do? I hate being put in this situation.
XML Feed
Oh, no. I feel for you and your kids. Growing up we always had someone living with us. It was frustrating. Do you live in an area where there are short term leases available? Were I in your place, I don’t think I’d let her move in because of what happened last time. And since this seems to be a continued problem, what about when she’s removed from the truck compeltely? Hopefully you are able to come up with a solution.
I can’t say what is best for you but what helped us was explaining to our ‘guest’ that living in a small space with extra people wasn’t an option past a few weeks. We helped her (and her 3 kids) look for an apartment luckily she found an older mobile home not far from here and was out within 2 weeks. Hope you have the same luck.
As I told Toni months ago it is always not a good idea to have another woman stay in your home period! I just don’t agree with that no matter what the situation. It is almost inviting trouble. Her son did say she could stay with him as a last resort: well it’s the last resort. You have a small place a hubby and 2 kids just so not a good idea. Try to find her some place and give assistance but please for the sake of your family don’t do this! And please buddyslimmers don’t send me mail she asked for opinions and I am entitled to mine!! You know i love you Tanis and this is my take on the situation!
Be a friend and help her to see she needs a place of her own to make her own life. Small one bedroom place to have as a homebase while trucking and then you can go to her place and have girl time with her. It would help your health and hers. Have her stay with the son this time. You have done more then you share. It will be ruff having that conversation with her but you both will be better for it.
Tiffany
Sometimes we fall into the trap of letting those we care about hold us ‘emotional hostages’. Keep this in mind when making a decision….and remember what Dr. Phil always says…Family First!
Good luck to you.
PS Angela is right! Bad idea having another woman in your home, for many reasons.
Gotta agree with everyone else here. If it doesn’t make sense for her to have her own apartment then she can go live with her son or rent a room for a couple of days. You can help her look for something or whatever and still feel like you are fufilling your friendship duties without putting the inconvience on your family.
You should definitely, make a “last resort” situation. I am sure she would rather stay with you, but you have more stuff going on than he does….put your foot down
Tanis, you gotta do what is best for your family and you first. it seems that what you want is to help her for a few days and then have her be elsewhere. Plan on her son coming to get her by Saturday or some day. You can also look into what the hospital social worker can offer - you’d be amazed - they often have resources we don’t know about. there may be places that offer temp housing as well. in the end, do what feels right whether it is taking her in or not - but don’t do what guilt alone tells you to do. that never really works out.
Thank you all very very much!! Its like I knew the right thing to do but had to hear it from others. She got very upset when I told her she could stay here for only the weekend like I have always allowed her to do but she could stay here for the rest of the time. Who knows how long she will be out may be months. I just can not do that to my family. So right now she is not speaking to me but I feel either she will get over it or she was never a true friend in the first place. But thank you all for listening and all of your advice!!
I feel for you. Maybe you should have an ernest talk with her and give her a deadline? I will be praying for you. If she is a true friend, she will understand. Hugs, Kama
Tanis a true friend would never put you in this kind of postition to begin with. It is not your job to take care of her for months on end…you just can’t not with two littl kids and a husband to care for. I guess you just have to put your foot down and say no it just is not in the best interest in your family and your family has to come first. If she ends up ending the friendship (which it sounds like she did from your am e-mail) either one she was not a true friend or two she just needs some time to get over her anger at you and will come around sooner or later. I hate being in postions like you are in right now it is aweful…just know you are doing the right thing.
jenn